Lies, Nothing But Lies

As I lay in bed this morning after the alarm went off, I was so happy nobody wanted to put her paws on my bed with love and happiness that I was finally awake.

I can stay indoors all day and not have to see what the world feels like, just listen to the radio for the weather report.

I can sit in my recliner all day and not take a walk.

I don’t need to be out in the sunshine.

I can ignore my need to go to the grocery and wait until someone can drive me. Riding in someone’s car when it’s convenient for them is much better than walking to the store when it’s convenient for me.

All the dog toys stay put in the toy box so it looks like nobody lives here.

I can leave snacks on the coffee table without worrying that someone will gobble them up.

I can leave half a sandwich on the table while I go get something to drink and not worry that the other half will be gone when I return.

When I get into a car, I have all the foot room I need.

When it rains, I don’t have to take anybody out for a potty break.

When a friend comes to visit, they don’t have to be bothered greeting my dog as well.

When I go to church, I don’t need to bend down and stroke anybody to reassure them that they’re being a good girl and that I love them.

When I come home from an outing, I love coming home to an empty house.

I love talking to myself, so nobody has to listen to me.

I love sitting on the couch by myself to watch TV.

I love it that nobody barks when there’s a noise outside my door.

I love having to hang on to someone’s arm whenever I go somewhere instead of trotting briskly along with a guide dog by my side.

I love hearing “Any news about getting a new dog?”

I’m enjoying a lot of practice choking back tears.

I love calling the guide dog school and hearing that they still don’t have a space for me in a class any time soon.

I’m very patient, but it’s wearing thin.

Just take everything I have written so far, and know that it’s all lies, every line. I would ask for prayers that a new guide who is beautiful and smart and loving becomes available soon. But I don’t believe in those kinds of prayers. You’re not going to influence God one way or another. But if you wish, please pray that I can turn all these lies into positive statements of truth.

Mary Hiland

SeeingItMyWay.com

Author of

The Bumpy Road to Assisted Living: a Daughter’s Memoir

And

Insight Out: One Blind Woman’s View of Her Life

Available from Amazon

Contributing Columnist for Our Special Magazine