Do you send Christmas letters? They are not coming to my mailbox as often as they used to. One day, back in the 90s, I was feeling a bit mischievous, so I sent out this one. I still chuckle when I read it for old time’s sake. I hope you do too. No offense, please, to my friends who sent such letters. This is just for fun.
Dear Friends,
Here it is 1999 already, and I didn’t have time to send you our
family Christmas letter. I didn’t get a chance to brag about all
our accomplishments, our fabulous vacations, the intelligence of my
grandchild, the beauty of my home, the amazing talents of my dogs,
and all our altruistic and philanthropic endeavors. So, here they
are now.
Kara has been working on her phd in metaphysics. She got a late
start on this career choice, as she’s been leading an
anthropological expedition in outer Mongolia. Her work with Unwed
Mothers in Crisis in the inner city was put on hold, while she
completed this part of the fellowship grant she received from
Harvard.
Steve has passed the CPA exam, the Bar, and the Boards for medical
examiner for the CIA. In his spare time, he has been writing a
documentary on preserving cacao trees in Brazil. For fun, Steve
has taken up mountaineering, and last June, he completed his fifth
ascent on Mount Everest. Tammy does not accompany him on these
expeditions, as she has been busy prosecuting the attorneys in the
Monica Lewinski hearings. Her travels to Washington have not
interfered with her love of flying. Last spring, she bought her
own plane and is now teaching their little girl, Meghan to fly. On
January 1, Meghan will fly her first solo, although she is only
three months old. We think she’ll be ready though, as she has
already mastered the internet and is fluent in three languages,
thanks to her Aunt Kara.
Mother celebrated her 107th birthday with a modest party in London
for 500 of her closest friends and international business
acquaintances. She turned down a marriage proposal, however,
because she still likes her space and independence. As she says,
why should she put up with some old man who probably wouldn’t let
her race cars anymore.
I’m still working, although my lottery winnings from last February
have allowed me to try some exciting new experiences. I bought
some state of the art cameras and developing equipment, and have
become quite good as a photographer, and I really enjoy processing
my own photos. Perhaps you’ve seen some of my work in the Chicago
Museum of Modern Art. I’ve also resumed dance lessons, and just
last month, I was finally accepted as a member of the world famous
Rockettes. Imagine that, at my age! Of course, I’ll have to give
up my job at the radio reading service, but dancing has always been
my first love, as you know. Chocolate is my second love, so that’s
why I’ve been so thrilled with Steve’s documentary on cacao trees.
Sherry continues to be the epitome of Seeing Eye superiority. She
was honored at the Whitehouse for her bravery and supreme
intellectual agility, when saving the lives of three infants who
were drowning in Lake Erie. She wears her ribbons proudly as she
conducts weekly tours at the Seeing Eye. Her goal is to recruit
only the finest of golden retrievers and to increase their
percentage of the class. It’s her version of affirmative action.
Genie’s still kicking at age 17. And that’s the truth, the only
truth.
Here’s hoping your 1999 is at least as glamorous and exciting,
fulfilling, and memorable as this fantasy I’ve just recounted. And
if that’s not what you really want, here’s hoping you keep smiling,
keep loving, and keep in touch.
Mary Hiland
Mary.hiland@wowway.com
Author of “The Bumpy Road to Assisted Living A Daughter’s Memoir”
Available at Amazon.com, dldbooks, and NLS Talking Books DB 91261
Mary, this is cute. I usually send out Christmas letters every year. My late husband got me into that habit. I always post them on my blog. This year’s letter is different, and I hope you like it.
https://abbiescorner.wordpress.com/2019/12/03/seasons-greetings-2019/